There were encounters in my life when ppl's action has left quite a deep..."impression" on me. Not in sort of good one. Well, I don't know was it because I am too kaypoh... or...hm I don't know..
As much as I try to erase the "feeling" left, every time the new encouter come, that sinking deep feeling just ressurect from beneath my white sealed heart.
Simply put, I just don like some encounter where you know this person, most of the time my friend, were talking about something to someone else loud enough, that I can hear just a lil bit of of the big puzzle....
And when I try to ask him/ her/ they, more on the big puzzle underlying it, they just ignore you/ pretending that you weren't asking in the first place, like it's totally wrong for you to ask them even though it's the result of my normal ear have a normal capabilities of human's hearing... or sometime even worst, signalling the other person, with my own eyes able to witness the signal, to stop discussing about the matter so that I can be kept out of the complete story.... for ....well.... good reason in their own eyes....silly in my eyes...
It's like as if I am invisible, like I would not understand how they feel, like I was supposed not to be in the know but it happen that I can find out about it, like as if I will be hurt so bad if I know, like as if it matters so much for me that I know, and finally .....like the fact that now I am in the know... will lead to a world war III at Gaza.....
If they don't want me to know..why openly discuss it in front of me and hoping that I will not hear ? Is it a bait ?
Would really appreciate if they can do a direct staring to my own eye and say: sorry I don't really want to talk about it right now... Than the other exit way they have been practising all the while.
hm...I used to take a big deal out of it... trying to find out what's wrong with me...or them.. that they find me such a catastrophe...perhaps coz of my reigning title and undoubtly stable performance and achievement as the Gossip Queen from my Uni days in Jakarta, till today. Perhaps I am too kaypoh...too sensitive...melancholic...psychic ?!?!?!....or maybe becoz cow can fly to Jupiter !@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@! :P...wadever.... :P
And I usually "react"... straight away silently pull myself out of the conversation (that I was not in the discussion in the first place) and... avoiding them TO THE MAX LEVEL I can ever be...for days... months... years :P
Do they feel my reaction ? I think I'm a bad actress...they usually try to pacify me DIRECTLY after the incident....and off course I reacted like : Like I care ? heh :P
But as age come along...I learn to take all the encounters with a pinch of salt...slowly reducing my "direct reaction" on the situation.... trying to understand that maybe I am the wrong person for them to talk to, just that I happen to be ....again... show up, curbing my inner me from having the "thunder storm" in my heart... by remembering few facts that :
What I want to know from them... might not really matter to my life anyway... indeed... ignorance is a bliss.... and everyone has their own business
They behaving this way.....will not stop my life to its second and effecting the long term goal/ journey.....
And above all: I came to the earth alone and naked. I will be back to my Father's home alone, without a single 5 cent coin or my diamond earing....or anything.....I bring nothing... 0.... kosong
Lastly: I bless these ppl who are most of the time my friends, for being a good friend of mine, thanking God that I can be friends with them. but I curse the action they did :P.. haha :) Still...nothing change..we remain friends :P...
Life goes on...and there are bound to be the same encounter in the future again and again..
Well...I am happy to know (and wondering too actually) that I have never done what these ppl did....directly making someone invisible when they were the ones who invite your presence in the first place :P
bombie {=^o^=}
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Cinderella
As much as I wanted to leave 2008, the trails of deed ...or misdeed done then...still sting me till today. Good that it is now...completely settled and I have learned wad I need to learn.
Basically: I made 2 big mistakes in the eyes of human, and off course being human myself, in my own eyes. Somehow I still think why in the world I let these things befall me, shrinking me in the lowest of......well..pardon my french.. hell.
Wad I learn in the 2 failures, is the good eternal Christian virtues that, as real as the fact that Jesus is alive and ressurected on the 3rd day, so it is real too that He can bring me from the deepest of ...well.. hell, to be as close as next to Him, face to face.
And just as Jesus go through death not on His own will, but bearing and obeying to God the father's will, I did not go down in the first place at my own will. I obeyed, though I foreseen signs "valley of the deepest might be ahead".
Lately I have been hearing "God works in a mysterious way" quoted in 2 movies... indeed mysterious is His way. My biggest failure turn to be His own "mysterious" way of twisting my head towards new direction. Though death is not fun...but only through a death, can one appreciate a ressurected life.
Concluding 2008: I found peace in Him alone. Your say is utmost important, Father. Pls turn on Your mic, that I can hear You loud and clear.
And today: January 18' 2009.
It holds the winner of wonderful day of 2009 so far.
Today I learned that: I will have the 6th wedding of the year.
Marina : Feb 14, Handoko Jul 9th, Ricky Jojo July 18th, Dian Alfons August 2nd, Rita Baplanx August 15th, and...joining the league : WIDIYA AND JOHN October 24th. (Announcing it for the first time, you readers must thank me ...haha)
I am....EXCITED !!!! hohoho:) Bagus, yg cepet aja guys gabrukan, so I can quickly be done with handling wedding....and expect to be relaxing for anymore weddings to come in the future :) hohoho...time to be an audience.
And I am excited for another fact that I have predicted I will need a new gown before I even learned on the engagement (come on, she kept in since December 29' 2008. She's goooooood man) . John was funny when he told on the proposal experience. And, I am thrilled everytime I heard him praising God for what He did to prepare for all this... *tearing now*....bless both of you Wid and John...
So it was a good day... followed by a good night of performance by Cinderella.
I loved Lea Salonga long time ago. When I was primary 6th, coming out of my bath room after doing my business, I heard on TV this song "We could be in love". That was, I remember, the first song ever that strikes me as the best duet I have ever heard. I remember the video clip till today, and every single word of "We could be in love". I even remembered the moment I ran out from the bathroom and my sis was sitting on the couch, and both of us..jaws dropped....like hearing melody from heaven. haha :)
Then I found out who Lea Salonga is. The Jasmine from Aladdin, who move to be Miss Saigon, and then the voice over Mulan's song.
And tonight, my first musical at Esplanade, seating third row from front (AMAZING), seeing Lea Salonga. I thought I'd be cool. Well, she's not Mariah Carey or Whitney u noe ? But I got goosebumps when I saw her. She is much prettier than the photo's or videos of her singing. And remembering my primary 6th struck on her, it was like meeting someone you know you're just a mere mild admirer but never realize that she held that important part of your child hood and love of music. Borrowing twilight's quote: she's like my personal brand of herroines.
Perhaps that got to deal alot with the fact that it's Cinderella in the first place, my first chick flick magic dreamland childhood story. Along with the performance, I am shock to find out that I am so familiar with most of the songs in the performance.
"In my own little corner in my own little room, I can be whoever I want to be...."
"Impossible! hings are happening everywhere
" 10 minutes ago I saw you....."
" Do I love you because you're wonderful, or are you wonderful because I love you....."
Then I recalled that I recorded this old 1950 sth Cinderella movie that was played on RCTI back on Jadul time. And me and my sis use to play that tape over and over...and over.....again...
We sing, we dance, we learn English (hahaha) from there.
The performance itself, is WONDERFUL !! The props was amazing...ask my cousin who felt like jumping to the pumpkin carriage everytime it shows up at the stage. Or even worse, steal it and bring it home..HAHA !! For me, I just want...to play the Queen with her Diamond tiara and wonderful lovely gorgeous stunning dresses .....and oh how I love the wedding scene where everyone attended was wearing BLUE AND WHITE...
Ahh, my Cinderella, my childhood, my songs of dreams, my blue themed wedding...
I am in a dreamland now.
Yet No, I don't dream to have Cinderella story copied to mine. My name is Lissa, not Ella.
But I will grap the last 2 phrase from 2 great performances I watched in the last 2 days, modified to my Lissa's own life:
Changeling, Christine Collins : " But it gives me something that I have lost before today, Hope. (And faith)"
Cinderella, Lea Salonga : " Impossible things are happening everywhere"
With that...I opened 2009, being hopeful and faithful on the impossible things to happen.
Basically: I made 2 big mistakes in the eyes of human, and off course being human myself, in my own eyes. Somehow I still think why in the world I let these things befall me, shrinking me in the lowest of......well..pardon my french.. hell.
Wad I learn in the 2 failures, is the good eternal Christian virtues that, as real as the fact that Jesus is alive and ressurected on the 3rd day, so it is real too that He can bring me from the deepest of ...well.. hell, to be as close as next to Him, face to face.
And just as Jesus go through death not on His own will, but bearing and obeying to God the father's will, I did not go down in the first place at my own will. I obeyed, though I foreseen signs "valley of the deepest might be ahead".
Lately I have been hearing "God works in a mysterious way" quoted in 2 movies... indeed mysterious is His way. My biggest failure turn to be His own "mysterious" way of twisting my head towards new direction. Though death is not fun...but only through a death, can one appreciate a ressurected life.
Concluding 2008: I found peace in Him alone. Your say is utmost important, Father. Pls turn on Your mic, that I can hear You loud and clear.
And today: January 18' 2009.
It holds the winner of wonderful day of 2009 so far.
Today I learned that: I will have the 6th wedding of the year.
Marina : Feb 14, Handoko Jul 9th, Ricky Jojo July 18th, Dian Alfons August 2nd, Rita Baplanx August 15th, and...joining the league : WIDIYA AND JOHN October 24th. (Announcing it for the first time, you readers must thank me ...haha)
I am....EXCITED !!!! hohoho:) Bagus, yg cepet aja guys gabrukan, so I can quickly be done with handling wedding....and expect to be relaxing for anymore weddings to come in the future :) hohoho...time to be an audience.
And I am excited for another fact that I have predicted I will need a new gown before I even learned on the engagement (come on, she kept in since December 29' 2008. She's goooooood man) . John was funny when he told on the proposal experience. And, I am thrilled everytime I heard him praising God for what He did to prepare for all this... *tearing now*....bless both of you Wid and John...
So it was a good day... followed by a good night of performance by Cinderella.
I loved Lea Salonga long time ago. When I was primary 6th, coming out of my bath room after doing my business, I heard on TV this song "We could be in love". That was, I remember, the first song ever that strikes me as the best duet I have ever heard. I remember the video clip till today, and every single word of "We could be in love". I even remembered the moment I ran out from the bathroom and my sis was sitting on the couch, and both of us..jaws dropped....like hearing melody from heaven. haha :)
Then I found out who Lea Salonga is. The Jasmine from Aladdin, who move to be Miss Saigon, and then the voice over Mulan's song.
And tonight, my first musical at Esplanade, seating third row from front (AMAZING), seeing Lea Salonga. I thought I'd be cool. Well, she's not Mariah Carey or Whitney u noe ? But I got goosebumps when I saw her. She is much prettier than the photo's or videos of her singing. And remembering my primary 6th struck on her, it was like meeting someone you know you're just a mere mild admirer but never realize that she held that important part of your child hood and love of music. Borrowing twilight's quote: she's like my personal brand of herroines.
Perhaps that got to deal alot with the fact that it's Cinderella in the first place, my first chick flick magic dreamland childhood story. Along with the performance, I am shock to find out that I am so familiar with most of the songs in the performance.
"In my own little corner in my own little room, I can be whoever I want to be...."
"Impossible! hings are happening everywhere
" 10 minutes ago I saw you....."
" Do I love you because you're wonderful, or are you wonderful because I love you....."
Then I recalled that I recorded this old 1950 sth Cinderella movie that was played on RCTI back on Jadul time. And me and my sis use to play that tape over and over...and over.....again...
We sing, we dance, we learn English (hahaha) from there.
The performance itself, is WONDERFUL !! The props was amazing...ask my cousin who felt like jumping to the pumpkin carriage everytime it shows up at the stage. Or even worse, steal it and bring it home..HAHA !! For me, I just want...to play the Queen with her Diamond tiara and wonderful lovely gorgeous stunning dresses .....and oh how I love the wedding scene where everyone attended was wearing BLUE AND WHITE...
Ahh, my Cinderella, my childhood, my songs of dreams, my blue themed wedding...
I am in a dreamland now.
Yet No, I don't dream to have Cinderella story copied to mine. My name is Lissa, not Ella.
But I will grap the last 2 phrase from 2 great performances I watched in the last 2 days, modified to my Lissa's own life:
Changeling, Christine Collins : " But it gives me something that I have lost before today, Hope. (And faith)"
Cinderella, Lea Salonga : " Impossible things are happening everywhere"
With that...I opened 2009, being hopeful and faithful on the impossible things to happen.
lissa~bombie {=^o^=}
Thursday, January 8, 2009
embracing 2009
Hm...akhirnya 2009.
Actually I felt as if I have not really entered 2008 yet, even more ending it. It is in fact the fastest year I have ever passed. Like it's discounting 1 minute from 60 seconds to 58 each, speeding all world's citizen in rocket pace.
But there's anything I could do, is that I don't really wish to re-visit 2008. Despite the promotion and great bonus I received, everything else is bleak and cloudy.
For all I know, I'm quite glad is over.
Anyway, it's 2009 now.
365 days (well : 365-8 = 357 days) unblemished...for us to colour. May it be a wonderful one
I will finalize my resolution soon, put it on a paper, seal it with prayer, live it with a breather.
Mean while Motto for 2009 will be: shed the KG, save the Penny !!! hohoho:)
bombie {=^o^=}
*they say ...silence is golden. For how long?*
Actually I felt as if I have not really entered 2008 yet, even more ending it. It is in fact the fastest year I have ever passed. Like it's discounting 1 minute from 60 seconds to 58 each, speeding all world's citizen in rocket pace.
But there's anything I could do, is that I don't really wish to re-visit 2008. Despite the promotion and great bonus I received, everything else is bleak and cloudy.
For all I know, I'm quite glad is over.
Anyway, it's 2009 now.
365 days (well : 365-8 = 357 days) unblemished...for us to colour. May it be a wonderful one
I will finalize my resolution soon, put it on a paper, seal it with prayer, live it with a breather.
Mean while Motto for 2009 will be: shed the KG, save the Penny !!! hohoho:)
bombie {=^o^=}
*they say ...silence is golden. For how long?*
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