woa...

a test of faith
was once much harder..
yet these days
it comes with questions for a mensa genius
a distance for a marathon runner
and wave as high as 2004 tsunamis

seriously...
I'm not trained for all these
no manual handbook, wykipedia, google search.. wadever u name it..
can seem to bring me to pass...... if not a big Flunk waiting down there...

I know I've been through this "Basic Theory 101"..
and what "Thesis" would be good to apply in this kind of "crisis"
it worked magic previously.......
it sounded lunatic nowadays.........

I did make a decision.....
to pursue and strive my best to survive this test of faith
by standing and believing when times are good
or maybe just being numb when times are bad...

apparently.. it did not last long...
Felt like bleeding all over now... not knowing whether I'll survive to the end....
even a simple questionaire.........brings my guard down to river of misery
all thots running accross my mind
like never ending zig zag line

will I survive ?
I don't noe...

a test of faith has never been harder...
then feeling like u're living in a box of time bomb wrap in perfect gift wrapping
only time ...to me it shall tell.....
when sometimes... time is my hell....


bie {=^o^=}
Don want to hang in here anymore...
Feel like jumping down... and stay my ground....

where's my way out ?

I think I need alot of sleep..
but when it's time to do so.. I juz don feel like sleeping..

Tika's birthday today..
sweet 17... hahaha :).. lama banget yah udah over

in the midst of the celebration...
I receive some news..
Which makes my hopes crushed..
it somehow bring me down to earth..
I should have put my hopes in You...
not in me....

and then those feelings come back
I used to think that my NUS down days were over..
Initially when I started there... it was all gloomy.. I remember having much hard times..
and no one was really literary there...
But when I remember those days.. somehow I always think that maybe it's juz me making small things big that time...
I feel like given the same situation, my current me will just handle it with more confident... nothing much of a big deal anyway...
I was too dramatic that time... that's wad I thot.....

Yet....
I will never forget His hands that saved me.....
Momentz when I was so deep in mud of sorrow...
Are momentz when I discover how safe I am in Him who loved me
I was young... I thot.... and moreover... weak...
in that... He is so strong..
those period...are exactly the period where I count on Him the most .. in my life...

you know what?
this .... down/ sorrow feeling... no matter how bad/ painful/ lost it made feel...
no matter how I feel like it's not right to be so sorrowfull
I'll let it be here.....

coz it strike me again ......when I'm weak...He is strong..
and I'll fall deeper to Him... even more :)

bombie {=^o^=}

:P

Sebagai seorang melankolik...
I am one of the person yg selalu ngaku2 ke orang2...
Kl gua punya radar yg cukup kuat buat ngecek apakah seseorang itu lagi jatuh cinta..
Ga ada yg mungkin ketutup dari mata gua :)

And mungkin dari itulah...my biggest mistake in making assumption..
Dengan asumsi yg sama... gua percaya banget kl mereka2 harusnya tau feeling gua.....
terlebih lagi mereka yg selalu ngaku2 kl mereka adalah orang2 yg sama seperti gua...
jago menebak :) ngakunya seh gitu...
en...kl udah geto.. gua berasumsi....udah harusnya dong mereka jaga baik2 perasaan gua yg konon terkenal sensitive and galak ini :P..

Tp dari yg gua gather....jawabannya cuman satu:
"Gua ga tau kl ternyata feeling itu ada....asli....gua pikir gua tau...ternyata gua ga tau... ya ampun.. kok bisa yah"
dan nasipun jadi bubur...bubur kasih telor jadi bubur telor..tambah ayam lebih enak:P

en selama ini gua tetep question mark: kok bisa seh neh orang2...ngaku2 sensi..padahal kebalnya kayak tembok China... kalah tebel kl tuh tembok:P

and so the conclusion come:
we can always see who is in love with who and how can all that happen..
but when it comes to us......whether we are loving someone...
or being loved by someone..
aren't we ..most of the time.. the last person in the world to realize ?
heh :P.. lucu :P

it applies to you...

it does not apply to me though...
or maybe this is what I believe...that I am not one....
as said... I have radars every way.

but is it so ?
recently.....
kayaknya gua udah join the rest of the world....downgrade ketajeman gua...
jd org yg blur karena cinta..or maybe cuman perasaan aja
tambah lagi semua dinding protection yg ada..
en segala macam tanda tanya..

males ah :)......

yg kumau... just a mature love :P..
yg simple aja deh.. indah di waktuNya..
no need drama rama mama....
it's so over...

my primary 5 first love moment is so over..

jadi..yg simple aja yah Bapa :)
capek struggle terus :)


lissa {=^o^=}

being 27

My birthday : March 26' 08. I am 27 now.
On that day :
1> I received 2 bouquet of flowers
2> I received 3 birthday gifts
3> I dressed in white
4> I celebrated with my cousins, and we had REAL FUN :)
and in the week itself : I have a full long celebration days
From Tuesday, my birthday, thursday, Friday... till the following week..

wad does it mean to be 27 ?
1> literally, and cleary : I'm getting nearer to 30
2> slower metabolism...need more sleep...need more time to think...
3> more ppl on the pathway carying signage that say: get a man !!..bleh...sometimes really getting sick of this warning board...
4> more white hair, fallen hair, and I hope fallen weight.. HAHA
and many more off course....u'll understand when u are 27 (sok tua)

Yet let me summarise what i noticed lately :

1> to all the men out there: persistance payoff: definitely
If you are in love... and you know she's the right one... don ever let go before u fight your best battle....for if you persist... it might just pay off :) if she's not shaken in the end..then she's just not the one for u......
but girls hearts ....can always be melted by persistance :) ...so yups..it pays off in 1 way or another !!! this is one important key to a lady's heart... persistance !!!! and I'm telling u for real...
but remember : keep it real lah !! don fall for fiona xie or some jap/ korean/ taiwan actress and persist till u ignore ur surrounding....

2> to all the women out there: persistance might lead to destruction, if you refuse to let go and be real.
It's a waste of time ladies to hang on and refuse to accept reality ...... You might learn alot along the way...but you can learn all those without being hurt that bad in the end......and still not reaching even a tip of his heart.....
men's hearts..... most of the time......are not created to be melted by ur admiration!
If he does, thank God... if he doesn't ...well.. expected :) they are not made to be chased after... they are to pursue after you ... and me off course....I'm a woman right ? last time I check I'm still one...

well...those are old schools lesson ur mom might teach you anyway... so next

3> I learn that I still know nothing much....yesterday...
I'm lost.. blur...shock...wondering how in the world my friend can tell me all those.. I feel lost the fact that I should have known these...
and by then....I feel Im not ready to take on the world :)

4> then today..I learn that I know too much..... that it jumbles up my world..
for they say... ignorance is a bliss........sometimes knowing too much... is a waste of mind too..

heh :) so much of being 27....... we'll see how it goes :)
till then... tata :)

oh btw : the plan fail...but I wont give up !! we'll see next year..hope my wish come true :)

bombie {=^o^=}

antara aku, kau, dia, dengan - nya

sometimes..life can be really a joker

First, there were me and him
my heart goes out to him till it hurt so bad
then there you were, standing all along beside me
and so you join me in fighting him..
guess wad ? You win...

then there was she
a company of him .. growing closer to me
I push her out of my picture...for sometimes it bothers me too much to care
my bad... or my luck ? I can't say...

so now that you win...
and he and she are out of our dreams...
I thot I'll be happy... juz ..my thots

yet out of no where, he returned again..
this time around...he shake ur presence...
in fighting him....I pull your help unknowingly...
in fighting you......he push his help...unwillingly...

but it's all right.....to my selfishness...
as long as I am saved....
coz both of you...are never actually aware that you guys are in the fight...
sorry guys....this I say : my bad..... but seriously : u both loose nothing
only me...shattered :P

then in this final battle.... he draw her back in the picture...
wow ? ... is this all a joke ? coz I saw it as it is..
and in his view.......our story is a joke too...
how painful is that ? when all is real to me......
the sorrow, the fight, the tears, the years I wasted...
and I have not settle it right with u....
these ....are all jokes right ? I wish....

antara aku, kau, dia, dengan-nya...
sudah seharusnya ga ada apa apa...
sudah saatnya tuk lupakan saja..
dan kita melangkah hadapi dunia
yg penuh tanda tanya....
kan apa yg terjadi dengan cerita kita
yg benernya.... biasa aja
cuman penuh bumbu en merica...
diselipi tawa dan air mata
serta seruan yg kadang ceria
namun tak jarang penuh derita

antar aku, kau, dia, dengan-nya
semoga cepet endingnya
and finaly biar kita baik2 aja...
sampai selama lamanya...

bombie {=^o^=}