on some encounter

There were encounters in my life when ppl's action has left quite a deep..."impression" on me. Not in sort of good one. Well, I don't know was it because I am too kaypoh... or...hm I don't know..

As much as I try to erase the "feeling" left, every time the new encouter come, that sinking deep feeling just ressurect from beneath my white sealed heart.

Simply put, I just don like some encounter where you know this person, most of the time my friend, were talking about something to someone else loud enough, that I can hear just a lil bit of of the big puzzle....

And when I try to ask him/ her/ they, more on the big puzzle underlying it, they just ignore you/ pretending that you weren't asking in the first place, like it's totally wrong for you to ask them even though it's the result of my normal ear have a normal capabilities of human's hearing... or sometime even worst, signalling the other person, with my own eyes able to witness the signal, to stop discussing about the matter so that I can be kept out of the complete story.... for ....well.... good reason in their own eyes....silly in my eyes...

It's like as if I am invisible, like I would not understand how they feel, like I was supposed not to be in the know but it happen that I can find out about it, like as if I will be hurt so bad if I know, like as if it matters so much for me that I know, and finally .....like the fact that now I am in the know... will lead to a world war III at Gaza.....

If they don't want me to know..why openly discuss it in front of me and hoping that I will not hear ? Is it a bait ?

Would really appreciate if they can do a direct staring to my own eye and say: sorry I don't really want to talk about it right now... Than the other exit way they have been practising all the while.

hm...I used to take a big deal out of it... trying to find out what's wrong with me...or them.. that they find me such a catastrophe...perhaps coz of my reigning title and undoubtly stable performance and achievement as the Gossip Queen from my Uni days in Jakarta, till today. Perhaps I am too kaypoh...too sensitive...melancholic...psychic ?!?!?!....or maybe becoz cow can fly to Jupiter !@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@! :P...wadever.... :P

And I usually "react"... straight away silently pull myself out of the conversation (that I was not in the discussion in the first place) and... avoiding them TO THE MAX LEVEL I can ever be...for days... months... years :P

Do they feel my reaction ? I think I'm a bad actress...they usually try to pacify me DIRECTLY after the incident....and off course I reacted like : Like I care ? heh :P

But as age come along...I learn to take all the encounters with a pinch of salt...slowly reducing my "direct reaction" on the situation.... trying to understand that maybe I am the wrong person for them to talk to, just that I happen to be ....again... show up, curbing my inner me from having the "thunder storm" in my heart... by remembering few facts that :

What I want to know from them... might not really matter to my life anyway... indeed... ignorance is a bliss.... and everyone has their own business
They behaving this way.....will not stop my life to its second and effecting the long term goal/ journey.....
And above all: I came to the earth alone and naked. I will be back to my Father's home alone, without a single 5 cent coin or my diamond earing....or anything.....I bring nothing... 0.... kosong

Lastly: I bless these ppl who are most of the time my friends, for being a good friend of mine, thanking God that I can be friends with them. but I curse the action they did :P.. haha :) Still...nothing change..we remain friends :P...

Life goes on...and there are bound to be the same encounter in the future again and again..
Well...I am happy to know (and wondering too actually) that I have never done what these ppl did....directly making someone invisible when they were the ones who invite your presence in the first place :P

bombie {=^o^=}