The one(s) that (I let them) got away

No, I'm not going to sing "The one that got away" by Katy Perry.

It is about some personals I decided, with a mixed of heavy and relieved heart, to let away

Gua jadi inget conversation gua, El & Gill di Tony Romas, on one of our threesome dates last year :) Supposedly kita sharing happy things on our date right ? Malem itu kita malah share about some of our closest friends who, along the way, got away from our life.

And recently I'm reminded on them. Reminded on why I let them got away. Reminded why it was so hard on the initial stage to convince myself to let them go away. Reminded that even though I thought I'm good enough in learning & knowing about people, I still fail to identify some people's true intention. Reminded that a devout Xtian does not equal a reliable friend. Reminded that even though people can change for the better or worst, the basic characteristic that made a person never change. Reminded that things aren't always what they seem they are.

If there's anything in common that I can say about them, is that they always seem to have the tendency to meddle & try so hard to influence me & my life, in a way that's beneficial for them, yet wrap them in a package that's as if it's what's beneficial for me. Simply said : they want to change me, they want to force me to join their pack, they wanna have a BIG say in my life.

And for most of all, I only realized everything too late. Made it harder to walk away unaffected. Made me wonder, do they think I'll be that stupid forever to keep hanging on in a relationship that doesn't have the give & take factors ?

If it's ever gonna be a comfort, I feel a lil bit better knowing that I'm not their only target. They do the same strategy to everyone else. Also perhaps, at one point of time on our short lived journey, I enjoyed their companion.

The bad : I always tend to fall in love to friends that I made, guys or girls. Not eros love ! A caring love. Most of the time I realize well that I tend to love more than I'm loved. But after all these lessons, I've never loved the same again.

The good thing : I'm glad I've learnt my lesson well, and survived !! I learned that a good friend is the one who is one arm length away when you need a shoulder to cry on, exactly next to your ear to remind & guide you when you did the wrong thing, holding your hands when you feel lost, got your back when you feel like you cant stand anymore, but a few metres away from when the time comes for you to make the most important decision of your life, guiding you with information, support you with your decision, and still keeping their distance. Why ? Because it's your life not theirs. It your choice to make, not theirs to decide. It's you who need to fly, not them being the pilot of your life.

Lastly, I gladly declare that I'm so happy to let them get away from my life :)

And if I can slip a wish, I wish that I can be the kind of good friend I describe, and in doing so I can find a true friend who loves me just the way I am without carrying any additional agenda

I have one now:)

bombie {=^o^=}